this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
