so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
