Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
