whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
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We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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