Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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