her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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