i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
