I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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