Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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