Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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