Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
