so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
