So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
