If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
