I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
