You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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