Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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