I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She's the barista slut.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
