I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
