Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
