I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
