Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
