Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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