Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
