I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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