When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
