There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
