just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
