I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
