she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
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I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
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I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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