My hand turned me down
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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