The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
