Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
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Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
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I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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