Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.

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  (404): I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me. http://tfl.nu/iup7
  Replies (12) Good night (872) Bad night (4698)
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  (916): View more from California

  keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something

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  (916): keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something http://tfl.nu/d7nj
  Replies (10) Good night (1387) Bad night (4379)
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  (831): View more from California

  It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night

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  (831): It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night http://tfl.nu/8gcp
  Replies (13) Good night (6360) Bad night (1648)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar

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  (702): As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar http://tfl.nu/w8o7
  Replies (10) Good night (2975) Bad night (747)
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  (209): View more from California

  He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia

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  (209): He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia http://tfl.nu/8vrp
  Replies (10) Good night (795) Bad night (2113)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.

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  (865): I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it. http://tfl.nu/3j3f
  Replies (4) Good night (600) Bad night (1510)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO

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  (973): DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO http://tfl.nu/pqah
  Replies (4) Good night (535) Bad night (857)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.

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  (713): Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes. http://tfl.nu/esis
  Replies (1) Good night (1065) Bad night (543)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.

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  (412): so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head? (724): stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final. http://tfl.nu/zs0y
  Replies (2) Good night (1532) Bad night (518)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night

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  (306): I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night http://tfl.nu/ov8q
  Replies (1) Good night (398) Bad night (864)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.

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  (870): I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me. http://tfl.nu/8alm
  Replies (2) Good night (593) Bad night (337)
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  (845): View more from New York

  then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy

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  (845): then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy http://tfl.nu/hfvq
  Replies (3) Good night (948) Bad night (580)
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  (818): View more from California

  Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.

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  (818): Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks. http://tfl.nu/qq35
  Replies (2) Good night (599) Bad night (525)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.

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  (863): You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise. http://tfl.nu/26lw
  Replies (0) Good night (486) Bad night (258)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings

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  (416): earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings http://tfl.nu/vy6b
  Replies (0) Good night (286) Bad night (192)

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