Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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