Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
