just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
