It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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