New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Enjoy the penises
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
