I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
