i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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