it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
