Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(909): View more from California

I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

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(718): View more from New York

don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.

Fav 5 2292 793
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(480): View more from Arizona

you are hot. that is all.

(1-480): View more from Arizona

who is this?

(480): View more from Arizona

the delivery driver from silvermine.

Fav 32 5885 1762
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"

Fav 25 6234 857
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(314): View more from Missouri

I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...

Fav 27 1175 4371
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(713): View more from Texas

Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.

Fav 27 3141 1953
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(778): View more from British Columbia

I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.

Fav 6 1167 3668
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?

Fav 4 1912 779
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(423): View more from Tennessee

Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world

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