i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
