happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
