Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
