So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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