She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
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