Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I supernannyed him into submission
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
