And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
