Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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