The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
