im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
