covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
