just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
