I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
