dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
