i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
