I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
