oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
