Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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