and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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