I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
