im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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