My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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