I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
