pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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