he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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