No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
