How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Porn is love you can see.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
