put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
