dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
