um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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