omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
