Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
