i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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