Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
