His pubic hair was longer than his dick
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
