genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
