His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
