I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
