I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
